"People's complex attitudes toward money often defy economic theory." - Drazen Prelec, associate professor of marketing at the Sloan School of Management

    There was a time not so very long ago that I didn't pay much attention to where my money went. I always paid more than the minimum on my credit card, but I still wasn't making significant progress in debt reduction.

    For many people, it simply isn't enough to have a tactical plan to pay off debt. We know we should spend less than we earn, but as Drazen Prelec noted in the quote above, people have complex attitudes toward money. When emotion and logic are at odds, emotion usually wins.

    In retrospect, there are five phases I went through to change my relationship with money. Note that my process wasn't this linear. In fact it was quite messy, sometimes moving two steps forward and one step back.

    Riding the roller coaster

    Spending gave me a temporary high. New clothes made me feel new. I felt I deserved a pedicure and a massage. Picking up the tab for a friend made me feel great. I could justify almost any expenditure, any impulse buy, and all of it went on the credit card. It was like spending Monopoly money, until the end of the month when the credit card bill arrived. My stomach dropped as I looked at the balance, added the expenditures in my head, and realized that yes, it was correct. The bank didn't make a mistake. I bought that Stuff.

    I'd swear to myself to do better next month, and satisfied with that vague goal, put the whole thing out of my mind.

    Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    Recognizing and accepting myself

    The thing of it was that I fully understood the implications of credit card debt. I saw how living paycheck-to-paycheck imprisoned me and limited my options. I was tired of feeling guilty after every purchase. I couldn't stand that I was unable to save for travel because that money needed to go toward debt （so I wasn't saving it all）.

    Logically, I got it. Emotionally, I felt a mess.

    I started thinking about why I felt the urge to spend. Was I bored? Restless? Anxious?

    When I was in college just a few years earlier, I was somewhat depressed. I'd been to too many funerals, I was in a bad relationship, and I'd gained weight. Shopping was a high. Shopping was a hobby and a way to reinvent myself （or so I felt）.

    But that was years ago. I was now in a wonderful relationship with my now-husband, and I had every reason in the world to be happy. If nothing else, I had the basics - food, shelter, and family. I started to focus on the positive things in my life, and I realized that I hadn't been paying attention to them before. So why was I stuck in a bad pattern if life was good? What was I trying to prove, and to whom?

    My self-perception was so off the mark that although I had lost the weight I'd gained and then some, I would regularly try on clothes that were two sizes too big, much to the bewilderment of the salesperson.

    I wasn't seeing myself as I was or as loved ones or even strangers saw me. I began to notice where I was being hard on myself, and I decided to try to be okay with where I was right now. Not a Calvin Klein dress from now, not five pounds from now, just now. Being a perfectionist was just too exhausting.

    Finding flow

    I was starting to see myself more clearly, but I wasn't sure where to go from there. I knew I was sick of the roller coaster, of too much Stuff cluttering my life, of paying for the past （plus interest）. But if I didn't want what the marketers told me I should want, then what?

    "I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?" - Fight Club

    What made me happy? Seems like a simple question, but to find the real answer, you have to block out a barrage of ad campaigns, expectations from family members and peers, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses.

    My list of things that make me happy looks like this:

    · Cooking with my husband

    · Time spent with family and friends （playing games, telling stories, etc.）

    · Photography

    · Time spent outdoors - backpacking, kayaking, swimming

    · Yoga

    · Travel and new experiences （learning）

    When engaged in many of these activities, I find "flow," a term coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the 1970s. Flow occurs when you are so engrossed in an activity that you forget about your worries and lose track of time. For example, normally my mom can't stay awake past 9 p.m., but when she is sewing, she can stay up until the wee hours of the morning.

    I didn't know about flow or Csikszentmihalyi at the time, but I think people are instinctively drawn to activities that get them in the zone. There are countless pastimes that could give someone flow - running, surfing, singing, playing piano, hiking, writing. According to Csikszentmihalyi, a life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction.

    My goal was （and still is） to spend as much time as possible in activities that give me flow, especially the ones that don't require much money!

    First steps

    This introspection was all well and good and necessary, but the debt wasn't going to just disappear because I was feeling like Buddha on the Mountaintop now. I still had to take tactical steps to kill the debt, but those steps aren't anything you haven't heard before. To begin, I stopped accumulating Stuff and started to track my spending.

    I also purged relentlessly - but not all at once. Over the course of a year, I donated, consigned, or gave away Stuff about eight times, slowly weaning myself from things I never used, realizing it was okay to let go.

    I put off purchases and considered the reasons I wanted whatever it was that I wanted.

    · Was I trying to prove something?

    · Was there a real need?

    · How often would I use or wear it?

    · Did I already own something similar?

    Then I'd think about my goals. Did I want a new pair of shoes, or did I want that money to go toward a trip to Italy more? It's helpful to use visual reminders of your goals. Find images that represent your ambitions and keep them in your purse or wallet. A lifelong Italianophile, I kept a photo of Cinque Terre on my desktop.

    The visual reminders are helpful because you are more likely to make a lasting change if you focus on the positive benefit to the new course of action （extra money in my travel fund）, rather than focusing on what may seem to be a sacrifice （not buying the shoes I think I need this very moment or I'll just die）.

    If you still can't decide, write down the Very Important Thing, along with where you saw it and the price. Tell yourself you can always come back and purchase it later because you've written down all of the information. Give it a day （or three） and see how you feel.

    Many times, the intense desire to buy the Very Important Thing will dissipate. If not, maybe it's a worthwhile purchase. Only you can decide what is most meaningful to you.

    Freedom

    I still feel the urge to buy on impulse. Maybe it's on sale, maybe I think there won't be any later, or maybe I've just convinced myself that it's a super smart purchase. Awful, isn't it? After all of that work shouldn't I be free from mindless spending? Had I not changed at all?

    What changed was my self-awareness. Now I'm able to feel the craving, acknowledge that it's there, and let mindfulness intervene before I act. Therein lies the freedom. I am no longer reacting on impulse; I am mindfully choosing my actions. I choose yes or no based on my goals. That freedom is a better high than anything I could have bought in a store.

    What about you? If you struggle with mindless spending, do you know why? Have you overcome it （and if so, how）? Do you have activities that give you flow?

    J.D.'s note: I personally found this piece very powerful. I could identify with a lot of April's emotions and thought processes. "Being a perfectionist was just too exhausting," she writes, and I think that I could have written that myself!

    "人們對(duì)待金錢的復(fù)雜態(tài)度常常會(huì)令經(jīng)濟(jì)理論落空。"-Drazen Prelec,斯隆管理學(xué)院營(yíng)銷系的副教授如是說(shuō)。

    不久以前的某個(gè)時(shí)候，我并沒(méi)怎么注意錢花到哪兒去了。那時(shí)，我常常要在信用卡上還比最低限額還多的款，然而我仍然沒(méi)有在如何減輕負(fù)債這個(gè)問(wèn)題上取得很大的進(jìn)展。

    對(duì)很多人來(lái)說(shuō)，他們只是沒(méi)有一個(gè)好的方法來(lái)償還債務(wù)。我們都知道花的錢不應(yīng)該超過(guò)賺的錢，但是就像Drazen Prelec指出的那樣。人們對(duì)于金錢的態(tài)度相當(dāng)復(fù)雜。當(dāng)情感和邏輯有差異的時(shí)候，情感部分往往會(huì)占上風(fēng)。

    回想過(guò)去，我在轉(zhuǎn)變自己和金錢關(guān)系這方面曾經(jīng)經(jīng)歷了五個(gè)階段。請(qǐng)注意我經(jīng)歷的這個(gè)過(guò)程并非那么清楚明了，事實(shí)上，這個(gè)過(guò)程相當(dāng)混亂，有時(shí)候前進(jìn)兩步，有時(shí)候又退后一步。

    過(guò)山車式的生活

    花錢給了我短暫的興奮感。新衣服也會(huì)讓我感覺(jué)新鮮。我感覺(jué)自己該去修個(gè)腳，按摩按摩，放松一下。替朋友付賬讓我感覺(jué)棒極了。我可以為我?guī)缀跛�有的消費(fèi)，包括任何一次沖動(dòng)消費(fèi)找到正當(dāng)理由，而這些統(tǒng)統(tǒng)都記在我的信用卡上。這就像在花壟斷資金一樣，直到月底信用卡賬單來(lái)到的時(shí)候。我看賬單結(jié)余的時(shí)候心里咯噔了一下，心算了一下我的花費(fèi)，然后意識(shí)到，這個(gè)數(shù)額確實(shí)是對(duì)的。銀行沒(méi)有弄錯(cuò)。我確實(shí)買了那些東西。

    我對(duì)自己發(fā)誓下個(gè)月我會(huì)做好一點(diǎn)，并對(duì)這個(gè)模糊的目標(biāo)感到滿意，接著就把它拋到九霄云外去了。

    重復(fù)、重復(fù)、重復(fù)。

    認(rèn)識(shí)并且接受自己

    事實(shí)是，我開(kāi)始完全了解那些信用卡債務(wù)的含義了。我親眼看著自己被一個(gè)個(gè)賬單捆綁，不得選擇。我對(duì)自己每次買東西后的那種愧疚感感到厭倦了。我無(wú)法忍受自己沒(méi)法為旅行費(fèi)用存到足夠的錢，因?yàn)槟切╁X都會(huì)變成債務(wù)（因此我根本就不存錢。）

    從邏輯上看，我達(dá)到了目的。但從感情上講，我覺(jué)得一團(tuán)糟。

    我開(kāi)始思考自己總想花錢的真正原因。無(wú)聊？無(wú)休止？還是焦慮？

    前幾年還在大學(xué)的時(shí)候，我不知怎么的覺(jué)得很沮喪。我參加了太多葬禮，戀愛(ài)也談得很糟糕，另外我還在長(zhǎng)胖。購(gòu)物是個(gè)讓人興奮的事情，血拼是一種嗜好，同時(shí)也是從新改造自己的一種方式（或者我是這么覺(jué)得的）.

    不過(guò)那已經(jīng)是好幾年前的事了，如今我和現(xiàn)在的丈夫特別恩愛(ài)，我理應(yīng)感到幸福。如果不算其他的，我也有最基本的-食物、住處和家庭。我開(kāi)始專注在生活中積極的那些事情上，我也意識(shí)到，從前我并沒(méi)有怎么注意這些事情。既然我的生活如此美好，為什么我還陷在這種糟糕的模式里出不來(lái)呢？我是想證明什么嗎？給誰(shuí)證明呢？

    雖然我已經(jīng)減了重，可是我的自我感受還是那么不對(duì)勁兒。有時(shí)候，我還定期穿些比我的身材大兩個(gè)尺碼的衣服，這一點(diǎn)讓賣衣服的人也摸不著頭腦。

    我并沒(méi)有像從前一樣看待自己，或者我并沒(méi)有把自己看作別人喜歡的人，甚至沒(méi)有像陌生人看我一樣看待自己。我開(kāi)始注意到：我在什么地方對(duì)自己很苛刻。因此我下定決心試著去適應(yīng)我現(xiàn)在的樣子。不再是穿上Calvin klein之后怎么樣，也不是花五英鎊以后怎么樣，而是就在現(xiàn)在。完美主義太折磨人了。

    尋找流動(dòng)中的自我

    我開(kāi)始更清楚地看自己了，不過(guò)我還不確定從那兒要去哪里。我知道我已經(jīng)受夠了過(guò)山車式的生活；受夠了各種物品塞滿我的生活；也受夠了為自己過(guò)去的所作所為支付賬單（還有利息）.不過(guò)，如果我不想要營(yíng)銷人員告訴我什么才是我應(yīng)該得到的話，那我該怎么辦呢？

    我在目錄之間跳轉(zhuǎn)查閱，心想，吃什么才能讓我感覺(jué)像個(gè)人呢？--Fight Club

    什么能讓我感到快樂(lè)？聽(tīng)起來(lái)似乎是個(gè)很簡(jiǎn)單的問(wèn)題，不過(guò)要找到真正的答案，你就必須躲開(kāi)廣告的狂轟亂炸；放下家人和同伴對(duì)你的期待；以及總想和鄰居比個(gè)高下的心理。

    讓我感到快樂(lè)的事好像有這幾個(gè)：

    1. 和老公一起做飯

    2. 和朋友、家人在一起（玩游戲，講故事等等。）

    3. 拍照

    4. 戶外活動(dòng)-背包旅行、皮劃艇、游泳

    5. 做瑜伽

    6. 旅行、經(jīng)歷不同體驗(yàn)（學(xué)習(xí)）

    當(dāng)我參與很多這樣那樣的活動(dòng)的時(shí)候，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了流動(dòng)的自己。"流動(dòng)"一詞是由心理學(xué)家Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi在上世紀(jì)七十年代發(fā)明的。當(dāng)你聚精會(huì)神地投入到一項(xiàng)活動(dòng)中的時(shí)候，你忘記了煩惱，忘記了時(shí)間，這個(gè)時(shí)候"流動(dòng)的你"就出現(xiàn)了。打個(gè)比方，通常我媽過(guò)了晚上九點(diǎn)就昏昏欲睡了，可當(dāng)她做針線活的時(shí)候，她可以一直做到凌晨幾點(diǎn)。

    我那時(shí)并不知道流動(dòng)這個(gè)詞，也不知道Csikszentmihalyi,但我想人們都本能地被他們感興趣的活動(dòng)所吸引。生活中有無(wú)數(shù)數(shù)不清的娛樂(lè)可以看到流動(dòng)-跑步、沖浪、唱歌、彈鋼琴、慢步、寫(xiě)作。對(duì)于Csikszentmihalyi來(lái)說(shuō)，一個(gè)有著許多流動(dòng)著的活動(dòng)的生活將是一個(gè)讓人擁有巨大滿足感的人生。

    我的目標(biāo)（現(xiàn)在仍然是）是盡可能多的花時(shí)間參加讓我感到流動(dòng)的活動(dòng)，特別是那些不怎么花錢的活動(dòng)。

    邁出第一步

    自我反省很好，而且也很必要，我自我感覺(jué)像是山頂上的佛陀，但是債務(wù)不會(huì)因此而消失。我仍然需要采取必要的措施來(lái)遏制債務(wù)的侵襲，只不過(guò)你可能從來(lái)沒(méi)聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)以下這些步驟。為了邁出第一步，我停止了購(gòu)物，開(kāi)始注意我的消費(fèi)情況了。

    我還開(kāi)始毫不猶豫地清理掉我的東西，不過(guò)不是一次性。整整一年，我捐贈(zèng)衣物、托人代售、甚至把東西送給別人，送了八次。慢慢地，我把自己從來(lái)不用東西都處理掉了，我發(fā)覺(jué)送走這些物品之后感覺(jué)還不錯(cuò)。

    我延遲了購(gòu)物，開(kāi)始考慮各種我為什么想要這個(gè)東西的理由。

    1. 是想證明什么嗎？

    2. 真的需要嗎？

    3. 我多久會(huì)用一次，穿一次？

    4. 是否已經(jīng)有了跟這個(gè)類似的物品了？

    接下來(lái)我想了想自己的目標(biāo)。我是否需要一雙新鞋，或者我更想存錢去意大利？讓你的目標(biāo)看得見(jiàn)、摸得著，這樣會(huì)更有效。找找代表你的各種理想目標(biāo)的圖片，把他們放在錢包或者手袋里。我是個(gè)意大利迷，我在桌面上擺了一張五漁村的照片。

    看得見(jiàn)的東西很管用，因?yàn)檫@樣你就更有可能實(shí)現(xiàn)一次持久的改變，前提是專注在新的行動(dòng)上的積極因素（旅行經(jīng)費(fèi)里多余的款項(xiàng)）.而不是專注在可能看起來(lái)像是你做出了什么重大犧牲的因素上（比如，這會(huì)兒不買這雙鞋的話，我就活不了了）.

    如果你還是沒(méi)法做出決定的話，請(qǐng)寫(xiě)下最最緊要的事，以及你在哪兒見(jiàn)到這個(gè)東西的，還有它的價(jià)格。告訴自己你永遠(yuǎn)都可以回來(lái)，再買下它，因?yàn)槟阋呀?jīng)把所有信息都寫(xiě)下來(lái)了。放上一天兩天，看看自己有什么感覺(jué)。

    很多時(shí)候，那個(gè)急于想買某個(gè)很重要的東西的想法就消失了。如果還是不行的話，可能確實(shí)你需要這個(gè)東西。只有你自己才能決定什么東西對(duì)你有用。

    自由度

    我仍然會(huì)有沖動(dòng)消費(fèi)的欲望�；蛟S商品正在銷售，或許我認(rèn)為再晚點(diǎn)就沒(méi)有了，再或許我覺(jué)得買這個(gè)東西很劃算。聽(tīng)著很糟糕，是吧？經(jīng)過(guò)所有這些心理活動(dòng)之后，我難道還不擺脫這種無(wú)意識(shí)消費(fèi)嗎？難道我還是沒(méi)什么改變嗎？

    改變的是我的自我意識(shí)�，F(xiàn)在我能感覺(jué)到那個(gè)買東西的渴望了，也能認(rèn)識(shí)到它就在那里，我讓自我意識(shí)在我行動(dòng)之前作出阻攔動(dòng)作。這里面就是自由之所在。我不再對(duì)刺激條件反射了；我有意識(shí)地選擇行動(dòng)；我根據(jù)自己的目標(biāo)來(lái)選擇是或者不是。那份自由度比我在商店里買到的任何東西都來(lái)得大些。

    那么你呢？如果你正在無(wú)意識(shí)消費(fèi)的漩渦里掙扎，你知道這其中的原因嗎？你克服它了嗎（如果你克服了，那么你是如何克服的呢）?你有哪些讓你感到"流動(dòng)"的活動(dòng)呢？

    J.D.留言：我個(gè)人認(rèn)為這篇文章非常非常好。我能跟April的很多情感和思考過(guò)程產(chǎn)生認(rèn)同感。"完美主義者太折磨人了，"她是這樣寫(xiě)的，我希望寫(xiě)這句話的人是我。