Humor doesn't typically come to mind in the same breath as depression. But humor can be an important ally in getting beyond the rigidity of thinking that accompanies depression and keeps people locked into a depressed state of mind.

One goal of cognitive therapy is to change your perspective, your point of view. Humor is one way to change your view viscerally—and enjoyably.

Cultivating a humorous mindset helps you see yourself and any situation with a more supple mind so that you are not locked into a negative view. Depression is both caused by and causes the inability to see options and choices we otherwise would.

Take a common situation: someone feels very depressed in the wake of having failed at something. They cancel plans and withdraw from social opportunities. They don't feel "up to it." Under the surface, perhaps out of view of the conscious mind, the person might feel that the failure disqualifies him from the human race. However, turning around and asking out loud, "Does that disqualify me from the human race?" is humorous. It highlights the absurdity of the extreme conclusion.

We're not talking stand-up comedy, but insight-oriented commentary, achieved via anecdote and metaphor. You might feel down from a cutting remark your spouse made. But you could ask yourself: Does that "cutting" remark draw blood? Noting the metaphor puts it in its place—an obnoxious comment, but not a searing one.

Humor fosters acceptance of our humanness and our foibles. It is not sarcasm or put-downs. What we are looking for is gentle, playful perspective that embraces humanness but never at the expense of others—or of ourselves. The goal is not to take life too seriously.

So how to foster good humor?

* Choose to allow yourself to laugh at your own behaviors and beliefs—but not at yourself. Make that distinction clearly.

See your life not as a distraught drama but as a romantic comedy. Recognize the inherent farce-like quality in situations including sex and relationships.

Cultivating humor not only makes life more bearable, it makes you more attractive to others. Study upon study shows that a sense of humor is high up on the list of traits that most people seek in a partner.

* Insert silliness. Fill your life with one goofy thing a day. Make an unusual observation about someone. Or do something you normally wouldn't do. Wear something silly. You will learn that nothing terrible happens—and you may also discover that something good often happens.

* Puncture a rigid mindset with a mental exercise called "paradoxical intention."

Suppose you have to give a speech and you are unduly anxious about looking uncomfortable. You can overcome the fear of failure by deliberately focusing on it and humorously exaggerating the very effects you fear.

Say you are worried about having to speak publicly and sweating profusely. Deliberately imagine a humorous situation where you are—literally—sweating like a fountain and spewing enough to drown the first row of the audience. Accept that you sweat like a fountain; imagine it and then think, what is the worst that could happen?

* Exaggeration is funny because it skewers the falsehood. If you fail at a test or perform poorly at an audition, you could erroneously call yourself a failure. That, however, is an overgeneralization. Alternatively, you could see yourself as someone who failed at this particular thing, but in no way does that stamp you forever in this way.

Find the humor by saying, this makes me an utter wretch, a failure now and forever, a doomed and worthless subhuman, because I didn't get the part that I wanted or my partner isn't giving me the attention I want. Get into the exaggeration until you see the absurdity of seeing yourself as a "total failure."

* Walk down the street remembering that people are nude under their clothes. It reduces fear of others. Such thoughts can take people of high status from deity to human. It helps to remember that everyone yells at their kids, spills ketchup, goes to the bathroom.

* Play to an audience. Think of stories and items that would make others laugh.

* Be sensitive to the words you use. They can rigidify or help loosen up your thinking.

* Create cute, funny neologisms with your partner. Call it goofifying. Creating your own funny expressions for your experiences makes you more flexible and allows you to interpret and assess reality better.

* Smile. Here's a favorite silly joke I can't resist passing along: What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do? Stays up all night and wonders if there is a dog.

幽默感并不總像抑郁那樣不期而至。僵固的思維伴隨著抑郁，讓人沉湎于抑郁中無法自拔，但幽默感可以成為擺脫僵固思維的得力助手。認(rèn)知治療的一個目標(biāo)就是改變你的知覺，改變你看問題的觀點。幽默感是一種從內(nèi)心深處改變你觀點的方式——這種改變是愉快的。

培養(yǎng)幽默的心態(tài)有助于你了解自己，而且無論在什么狀況下都能有一個靈活的頭腦，這樣就不會局限在消極的觀點中無法自拔。一葉障目導(dǎo)致了抑郁，同時，抑郁又讓人不能看到別的選擇。

舉個通俗的例子：隨著遭遇失敗，某人感到非常抑郁。他取消了計劃，放棄了社交機(jī)會。他感到無能為力。本質(zhì)上，也許在意識之外，這人可能會認(rèn)為失敗導(dǎo)致他變成了一個不合格的人。然而換個角度，大聲的問自己：“這真的導(dǎo)致我變成了一個不合格的人嗎？”這就是幽默。這突出了極端結(jié)論的荒謬。我們不是做脫口秀，但頓悟取向的評論通過軼事和隱喻實現(xiàn)。你可能會因為配偶那尖刻的話而心情低落。你可以這樣問自己：那些“尖刻的”話讓你流血了嗎？記錄隱喻可以把這放到合適的位置上——可憎的批評，但不是撕心裂肺的。

幽默感鼓勵接納人性和弱點。這不是諷刺挖苦或滿不在乎。我們尋求的是一種溫和的、打趣的知覺，擁護(hù)人性，從以不損害別人或自己為代價。目標(biāo)是讓生活不要那么嚴(yán)肅。

那么，怎樣培養(yǎng)良好的幽默感呢？

·讓自己嘲笑自己的行為和信念——但不是嘲笑自己。分清兩者的區(qū)別。

不要把生活看成悲劇，把它看成爛漫的喜劇。承認(rèn)與生俱來的荒唐滑稽事情——就像性、愛情之類一樣。

培養(yǎng)幽默感不僅可以讓人更能忍受生活，還可以讓人變得更有魅力。諸多研究表明，人們在尋求另一半的時候，普遍認(rèn)為他/她對幽默的感知是一項重要的特性。

·做點蠢事。每天都做點蠢事。對別人進(jìn)行與眾不同的觀察，或者做些你通常不會去做的事情，比如穿身愚蠢的衣服。你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，這不會有什么糟糕至極的事情發(fā)生——恰恰相反，常常會有好事情發(fā)生。

·做一個叫做“矛盾的意圖”的思維練習(xí)，打破刻板的習(xí)慣。

假設(shè)你不得不去做演講，你看上去不自在，你對此很焦慮。你可以把注意力集中在對失敗的擔(dān)心上，幽默的夸大你擔(dān)心的結(jié)果，借此來克服擔(dān)心。

說你擔(dān)心在公共場合演講，你感到汗流浹背。故意想象這樣一個幽默的場景：你像噴泉一樣在流汗，涌出的汗水淹沒了第一排觀眾。承認(rèn)自己像噴泉那樣流汗；想象這個場景，并想一想：如果那樣最糟會如何？

·這種夸張很滑稽，因為它很好的諷刺了那些謬誤。如果你考試失敗，或者在觀眾面前表現(xiàn)糟糕，于是你錯誤的把自己稱之為失敗者。這是過分概括。換個角度，你可以把自己看作是在某些特定方面失敗的人，但一著不慎絕不會全盤皆輸。

你可以這樣說來發(fā)現(xiàn)幽默：這讓我變成了一個全然可憐的人，永遠(yuǎn)的失敗者，命中注定的毫無價值的非人類，我無法實現(xiàn)理想，父母也不會注意到我。

·接著往下，記住，每個人的衣服下面同樣都是赤裸裸。這減少了對別人的擔(dān)心。這種想法把“人”放到了“神”之上。這有助于記住：每個人都會為孩子歡呼，都會溢出番茄醬，都會上廁所。

·扮演觀眾。想想什么故事可以引人發(fā)笑。

·對你的用詞敏感。這有助于/有礙于你放松思維。

·和你的搭檔創(chuàng)造一些可愛的、有趣的新詞。比如goofifying。給你的體驗創(chuàng)造獨有的有趣的表達(dá)方式，這能讓你更有彈性，更好的解釋、評估事實。

·微笑。這有個備受歡迎的笑話，我不禁要告訴給大家：不可知論者、誦讀困難的失眠患者做什么？整夜醒著，懷疑那是不是有只狗。